BOUNDARIES
Most people do not know that they can become extremely unhappy just because they have not defined healthy boundaries in the various relationships they have.
Boundaries can have definite rules like we do not talk about so and so or we do not do this sort of thing together.
Boundaries, while they are encouraged for healthier relationships, can be unhealthy. They can be unhealthy when you have restricted people from talking about or doing something about a problem that you have that can be damaging your health or making you a horrible person to deal with.
This is why I have come up with a 3 step guide to help you set healthy boundaries.
1. Introspect.
Look within yourself to know the sort of things or behaviours that you don't like and don't want to deal with. By taking that into account, you will find out exactly how to avoid such. It could be that you don't like when you lend your siblings things and they do not return them or that you don't like being called a fat ass by your coworker. Ranging from silly to the most serious, you need to know what ticks you off and why. 'Why' is what will define if the boundary is healthy or not.
2. Voice out your displeasure.
It's not enough to know how you feel about a particular behaviour or thing directed towards you, you also have to let others know too.
You do not have to be rude here because how you approach them about it matters. You can say calmly, "I do not like being called this. Please stop." When you have constantly addressed your displeasure and that one person has refused to take heed, it will be tempting to become rude. The best option, in this case, is not to be though, I'll let you know a more appropriate way to deal with such a coconut head in the next number.
3. Repeat.
The displeasure you voiced in number 2, yes, that one. You need to keep saying it out to the person. Not forever though, because most won't remember at first. After some time it will start to stick and you won't need to remind them anymore.
Now while it is not advised to be rude at any point in time, some people will want to frustrate you and your boundaries. You have told them a million times, I don't like that, don't talk to me that way, but they do it anyway. If you ever find yourself in a situation like that it is best to cut off such a person, because it is obvious the person does not respect you enough.
When you start setting boundaries, healthy boundaries, it will look to some of your loved ones or colleagues like you are trying to put restrictions on the relationship you share with them.
Restrictions mean to them that you do not care as much or love them as much as when you first started the relationship.
This belief that they might start to have and may even be bold enough to confront you about should not influence you to let the boundaries go.
You see, with boundaries, relationships are strengthened. They say love makes the world go round but they never tell you boundaries helps it go round faster.
Do you think boundaries help relationships stay healthy? Drop your thoughts in the comments.😄
